Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
