there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
