Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
