textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
