I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
