i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
