Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
