My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
