hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
