I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
