Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
