You're so nebulous sometimes
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
