By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
