Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
