worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
