Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
