we're chasing vodka with high fives
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize