About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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