I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
don't judge my taste in strippers
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
