You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
