I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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