I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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