We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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