My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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