It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
