Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
