remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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