Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
