And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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