he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
