remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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