I'm gonna have a badass scar
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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