fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
