he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
