I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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