I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
