I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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