Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
