i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
