Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
