Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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