he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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