What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
