In the future we'll all be gay
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
