i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
