I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
