i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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