We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize