Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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