you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My penis needs a shock collar
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize