Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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