his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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