Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
