Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize