end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
