Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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