what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
