there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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