so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
