Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
