I can text with my tongue
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There's always time for handjobs
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize