Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize