Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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